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Why Forum Posters Don’t Normally Recommend Saving a Marriage

For folks who have been victimized by a break-up, seeking advice online might be a first step. However, stressed by the circumstances of the relationship, these people are vulnerable to unproductive and inaccurate advice. Often, they are seeking way to get back with an ex and instead get bombarded with calls to end the relationshp and move on, be an adult, et cetera, et cetera. While some relationships are not worth saving, so many forum respondents choose to promote a break up rather than encourage saving a marriage or any other worthwhile union.

Two reasons exist for why saving a marriage or other relationship should be a primary response (in most cases, anyway). Additionally, with the divorce rate continuing to increase — it sits at 50% for first marriages today, 67% for second marriages, and 74% for third marriages — sometimes to get back with an ex really just makes logical sense.

The first reason is that the people who post on these forums do not understand the full circumstances of the relationship (ironically, they will privately bash the people they “help” and in the same breath condemn the high divorce rates). Why they discourage people from getting back together makes little sense — and if you have ever seen these forums, you know that comments like “Dump that jerk, get rid of his stuff and get on with your life!” are so common. But understand that these posts are without foundation; they do not understand the details that led to the original post.

Secondly, trying to get back with an ex often leads people to act in an irrational manner. This comes with the territory of feeling like you have lost control, but instead of being conducive to saving a marriage it can actually cause structure damage to it. Far too often, people will act on emotion and resort to name-calling or crazy text-message or voicemail stalking. All this is done with the intention of saving a marriage or relationship, but remember that the person who did the dumping never fell in love with a crazy name-caller or stalker, so why would he or she want to take one back? It makes little sense, which reinforces the need to think and act rationally and logically… easier said than done, though.

The reason saving a marriage makes sense is that both parties are more inclined to stick with something they have grown accustomed to rather than starting something new. Most people prefer a comfort zone and are averse to change, even when change makes sense. This explains why so many people might stay in relationships that might border on emotionally abusive. Still, a lot of these forum posters fail to see this.

A last note is that by encouraging people to move on, these forum posters are shifting the onus of the break up to the person seeking the advice. Not only will these posters encourage the broken-up party to move on, but they will point out flaws in the other party without knowing the full story. Therefore, it is always best to be weary of these posts. While they may have good intentions, their advice does not always encourage the right thing.